


i want all that is not mine

by potterpav



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, JJ (Outer Banks) Deserves Happiness, M/M, Oblivious Pope (Outer Banks), Protect JJ (Outer Banks), bi pope, gay jj, jj has Feelings, kiara is mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:08:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28405263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potterpav/pseuds/potterpav
Summary: after seeing pope kiss kiara, jj felt like he was useless in trying to protect people he cared about.pope would never like him more than a friend, so jj stayed silent.until now.
Relationships: JJ/Pope (Outer Banks)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 59





	i want all that is not mine

**Author's Note:**

> jjpope nation rise !  
> the main 3 never discussed the kiss (s2 lets gooo babey) so .. dare to dream .
> 
> kudos and comments would mean the world to me , i hope you enjoy <3
> 
> everyone say thank you to "smother" by daughter for inspiring this fic and giving me the title <3

JJ didn’t expect anything in return for taking care of Pope.

Senseless violence, smashed faces, pooling bruises made of ink and jealousy were all part of the deal he made with himself. JJ promised himself he would look out for Pope, no matter what it took.

But when he saw Kiara and Pope kiss, it felt all for nothing. All the evenings of nursing his own wounds in his dim yet silent bedroom, hissing as he pressed cotton wool to his injuries just to make sure Rafe went after him, rather than Pope. After Rafe and Topper jumped Pope, a silent pact was made, and that was when his care and affection started.

Started with pain and anger, a foundation built on unsteady grounds. JJ wasn’t the type to check the ground before walking, so building protection in an unstable air seemed no different to him.

His mind kept jumping and replaying the kiss he saw. The kiss wasn’t hidden and overseen, JJ saw it in the open, right in front of his eyes, outside John B’s house–as if all he had done for Pope was pointless, finally wearing his heart on his sleeve had done nothing, and JJ was ready to pack it back up into the box in his ribs, leaving it split in two halves. But even though JJ hated himself, he couldn’t break his unwritten promise with himself, and he couldn’t start letting Pope get by on his own after protecting him for so long.

JJ didn’t expect anything in return, but an element of him wished Pope saw what it was doing to his heart–and wanted to believe Pope felt the same.

It was an act of betrayal.

JJ hadn’t seen Pope since the kiss.

None of them had seen each other as John B and Sarah’s disappearance and news of reappearance had left them all with a bloody taste on their tongues. Copper clung to the roofs of their mouths and lay slick on their skin–they didn’t want to see each other. After uneasy weeks, it was hard to know what was coming around the next corner. Besides, Kiara had work, and Pope was trying to get himself back on track for his scholarship–everything had been soured, but the university was considering his application again, due to “specialised circumstances”, and they were supposedly overjoyed, but in reality, all they could think of was John B and his welfare. The situation had unfolded so quickly but in the same hand, it was as if the minutes in a day had weights attached to their ankles, and all they could do was wait for more news.

But JJ? JJ had no work, had no home anymore. He stayed in John B’s empty house, the wind whistling through the thin walls at night and leaving warm wooden floorings during the day. JJ’s face looked cleaner than it had in weeks, he hadn’t seen Rafe since news of John B’s survival, so his cuts and bruises were healing slowly but surely.

It was getting lonely in the house that held so many memories, in JJ’s first _real_ home.

JJ heard someone walk into the house without knocking and he turned on his heel from the kitchen to see Pope enter. They both looked as surprised as each other, both stopping in their tracks. JJ wasn’t sure how much Pope knew about his feelings, because he knew Pope could be oblivious until the wrong moment–but leaving in fury at their kiss, clenching his fists with splotches of red burning on his cheeks made JJ seem suspicious. If Pope suspected anything, he hadn’t bothered to check up on JJ.

“What are you doing here?” Pope asked him, slipping his hands into his pockets. The early morning sun was beginning to colour the sky and it set everything into a warm, hazy glow, dust twinkling through the air to be struck by sunlight.

JJ couldn’t look him in the eye. “I’ve got nowhere else to go.” He said simply, tapping his fingers against the kitchen countertop anxiously, biting at his bottom lip. “It feels safer here, too.”

Pope only nodded, not moving from his place on the floor. Pope realised that JJ was wearing the same clothes as when he and Kiara kissed–that was two weeks ago. “Have you not been home once?”

JJ shook his head, still looking at his hands. Silence enveloped them, he knew his dad wasn’t out looking for him–because if he was, this would’ve been the first place he looked, and so far, the land had been silent.

“I guess I should return the question, huh? What are _you_ doing here?” JJ finally gathered the courage to look Pope in the eyes as he asked the question, Pope having now removed his cap and was holding it in his hands. JJ realised over the last two lonely weeks that he missed Pope most of all, out of everyone who had left him. He missed Pope’s incessant talking and nervous laughter, the way he would only fall quiet when he was beginning to fall asleep, his eyes trying to stay open.

It was in those periods of silence that JJ felt safest.

“I’m here to see you, we need to talk.” Pope answered, taking a few steps forward, walking around into the kitchen slowly, now standing on the other side of the kitchen to JJ, just in front of the fridge.

“Well, you found me.” JJ spoke as if his bones hadn’t burnt and spilled inside him, only keeping his balance by the one hand on the countertop. Pope had been looking for him? Pope had been thinking about him? He was surprised but knew he shouldn’t be–they were best friends, had been for a long time. Just best friends, nothing more, but JJ wished it was. He wished that Pope could see that everything he sacrificed for him was an act of love. To make the connection that he wouldn’t go to such lengths for Kiara, for John B, to see that JJ would protect Pope against anything, but with no such luck.

He was oblivious. He always had been.

“You saw me kiss Kie, didn’t you?” Pope asked plainly, twisting his hat in his hands, making the conscious choice to place it on the counter next to him. JJ’s head was angled looking at the floor, but his eyes lifted to meet Pope’s. It burned the pieces of his heart to see Pope standing there, looking so innocent when he broke JJ into so many pieces that some were still lost.

JJ nodded silently.

“And I need to explain.” Pope said again, not moving. JJ couldn’t read his expression, but nerves rose in his stomach–he felt sick. His skin felt tight against his muscles, he just wanted to leave, but Pope had come to speak and JJ would listen, but angry tears were threatening to spill.

“I know there’s no pogue-on-pogue macking, but I still kissed her. And I know everything is up in the air, but I liked her–”

JJ began shouting without realising what he was doing. “I took the fall for you, man! I couldn’t let your reputation get shredded, I got arrested for you, I took every punch Rafe wanted to throw at you and I sucked it up and dealt with it!” JJ wanted to stop shouting, to close his mouth, but the words kept coming, and he didn’t know how to make it stop.

“And then, above _everything else that’s going on_ right now, you kiss Kie? In front of me?”

And that was when JJ knew he screwed up.

Pope’s face seemed to drop, his brows knitted in confusion. Maybe it was hurt, maybe it was fear, maybe it was nothing. JJ only took his eyes from Pope’s and stared at the floor, closing his mouth slowly, biting down on his lower lip again, his hand now a fist on the countertop.

“In front of you?” Pope asked quietly. Pope wasn’t the type of person to sit and not ask questions, so of course he asked what JJ meant. But for the first time in JJ’s life, he didn’t want Pope’s questions. He just wanted Pope to have his own interpretation, not ask for clarification. JJ didn’t want to say it aloud.

“JJ, what do you mean?” Pope asked again, moving forward now, closer to JJ. His jaw tensed as he watched the figure stand closer to him, their hands were close together on the counter, but not close enough. JJ wanted to close the gap, kiss him until he was breathless, until their lips were red. JJ wanted to _hold his hand._

“I can’t...” JJ trailed off, taking a step backwards, the small of his back hitting the edge of the sink and countertop, swallowing thickly as his hands followed him, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I don’t like Kie anymore, JJ,” Pope explained, his name having new meaning in Pope’s voice, a new lease of life–he felt like his world had spun upside down. “You didn’t let me finish. I _liked_ her, but she really didn’t like me, at least not in that way.”

With his chest heaving, JJ met Pope’s eyes. His anger had dissipated, his ribs too small for his lungs: there was so much pain and anger in someone so young. But when he was with Pope, it felt like his life had turned out differently. When he pressed his leg against Pope’s, seemingly by accident, or threw his arm around Pope’s shoulder, patting his cheek playfully, it all seemed to effortless–but it was all calculated. JJ had calculated it for so long it felt easy, and when Pope never threw him off, he thought maybe the feelings were mutual.

Maybe that’s why the kiss destroyed him so much.

He only had one stable thing in his life, and then that got thrown away, too.

“Okay.” Was all JJ could say, and it came out with a heavy sigh and dropping his arms to his sides. He had noticed Pope inching slightly closer to him, and he wished it was in his imagination.

Pope had been stuck in his mind for so long that it began to feel like it wasn’t his body anymore, he was only one half of a whole, and JJ had never felt like that before–not with any of the summer tourists, not with any of the girls he hooked up with, not with anyone he’d ever spent the night with. This felt different, and new, and frightening. JJ was frightened at the thought he could love someone, but he knew he loved Pope for longer than he recognised. The signs of love should’ve been obvious, but JJ hadn’t seen them before, not from his mother, certainly not from his father, and these signs felt different.

He knew if he acted selfishly it would ruin everything–but he sacrificed himself time and time again for Pope, so maybe this was justified. He didn’t know anymore.

Time passed like a broken metronome, and Pope was closer to JJ now. The air in the house felt hot and sticky, the sun having risen further into its sky. Humidity stuck to their skin and to their clothes. JJ’s impulses began to make his hands shake. He felt sick of the quiet, of the silence, he wanted Pope back to normal, to his usual constantly-muttering state, making him laugh in John B’s kitchen.

JJ moved forward and grabbed Pope by the front of the shirt, pulling him back toward the counter, only a few steps–JJ’s lower back resting against the sink again, but with Pope’s t-shirt in his closed fists. “I am sick of being quiet about this.”

Pope’s eyes had widened and they were looking at each other, Pope’s hands having snaked around to the countertop, either side of JJ’s lower back. JJ could feel his skin through the fabric; feel Pope’s hands in a moment of anger and bliss.

“I have protected you for so long, and you didn’t realise it was out of love,” JJ began explaining, the word _love_ making Pope’s knees bend slightly, JJ keeping his weight up on his feet. “And I thought you may have realised, but it doesn’t matter now, because you’ve dropped it with Kie.” JJ let go of his shirt, placing his hands over Pope’s. Pope was still looking at him, gazing at him, the sunlight creating pools of light in his dark eyes.

JJ picked up one of Pope’s hands and kissed his knuckles, looking at Pope’s face, at the small smile that lay upon it. Maybe it would finally give Pope an idea of what he’s feeling. Everything was still too uncertain, JJ hated the waiting game. He was impulsive, constantly moving onto the next thing, working toward something new, he was fixed on different things on different days. But the one thing that never changed was Pope. Every time JJ saw Pope, be it sleep-ridden, delivering groceries around the island or simply brushing leaves outside the shop, he fell more in love. He believed he was good at hiding the anguish that bubbled in him.

But there’s always a breaking point, and JJ had reached it.

JJ dropped Pope’s knuckles and moved straight to his mouth. He pressed a kiss to Pope’s lips, a hurting moment of stillness before _Pope kissed him back_. JJ thought he was going to cry with his hands holding Pope’s neck in John B’s kitchen, with the boy he has wanted for so long, kissing him back.

Their kiss lasted until they couldn’t breathe, and they pulled back, their foreheads resting against each other. Pope’s eyes were closed, JJ still feeling Pope’s mouth on his, his fingers buzzing and electric, resting on the back of Pope’s neck. His mind was making so much noise he couldn’t hear what Pope said. He couldn’t enjoy the moment enough, as he was so overwhelmed with the concept of it: his feeling of safety kissing him back.

“I said, follow me.” Pope repeated as the buzzing in JJ’s brain faded slightly. Pope took JJ’s hand and led him to the sofa, moving the garbage first, placing empty beer cans on the table.

Once they had sat down, JJ took no time with his excitement. “Can I kiss you again?” He asked breathlessly, his hands cupping Pope’s face.

Pope replied in equally breathless excitement, “Yes, please.”

JJ took one of Pope’s hands and held it. And they kissed, and kissed, and kissed until their lips were red. They were holding hands. _They were holding hands._

And it felt like anything could’ve happened around them and it still would’ve just been them, in that moment they were the only ones in the world, right there, on an old sofa, carelessly and selflessly acting on something they had both wanted for so long.

JJ supposed he got something in return for taking care of Pope–and he wouldn’t ever want to lose it.


End file.
